Oops, it was right here!

Have you experienced looking out for something that was already with you!

Confused?

While talking on her phone, Tina got panicked that where is her phone 😀 Thank God she had a happy realization pretty quick. Relatable!! Another one, when she frantically started searching for her spectacles except for her own head!!

Am I trying to point on Tina for her “forgetfulness”, No! ofcourse not! I know when I point at someone, four fingers point back at me 👍🏻. Wondering what is it then……The thought that I wish to share is the human tendency to “React”.

Do you realize that most of the times, we tend to get in a state of panic much before the situation is actually critical! “Reaction” is an impulse that happens without any thoughts!

Think about this….,if we don’t react in a situation (recall Tina’s examples above), and remain calm and don’t panic, can the scenario be better?

Ofcourse yes, because we will be conscious of our surroundings, our options, our choices and every decision that we will make will be a “Response” and not a “Reaction”…. Does this make sense?

With respect to our acts, an important fact to remember is:

What’s done cannot be undone! So, we got to be cautious!

Believe me, most of the family and friendly quarrels are an instant result of this phenomenon of Reacting!

Post the reaction, once you realize what you have done….. you can keep giving as many justifications/apologies you may like for your behaviour but what do you think they will remember for the rest of their lives? Any guesses?

Yes, it is not your apologies but your harsh words/reactions!

And mind you, these will remain with them in their dark memories forever and ever till they die! Oh, this is getting intense, isn’t it! Can we do anything to avoid this scenario?

Just being aware and mindful in all our actions is the key! Panic arises when we lose control of our mind. Try to recall some decisions from your past that you repent today – I can bet, 70% of those were reactions and thus the repent! Am I right?

Response, on the other hand, is a well thought of, measured action taken after considering the pros and cons of a situation!

Only if we had learnt to take a moment to observe, to introspect and analyze situations, we will be able to prepare ourselves to respond correctly in any given situation, isn’t it!

So, my friend, it is very important for us to include that moment of PAUSE between the action and our counter action and in practical application, that is exactly what the difference is between “React” and “Respond”. If we can be conscious and alert and master this little learning, we can be sorted for life, I can guarantee!

I urge you to read my earlier blog on this topic.. Thank God life is not a “bed of roses”!.

To conclude: Let’s be aware and alert of what we do, say and even think and then promise ourselves to always be calm and Respond and never React! Whatever we need is around us, and we will find it sooner or later. All we need to do is to look for it with a calm mind minus the panic! Always remember to include a moment of PAUSE. Next time, before looking out for answers outside, how about doing some introspection both physically and mentally 🙂 Good luck my friend!

“Happy Struggler”/”Depressed King”- you choose!

Are you feeling that you are suffering….. more mentally than physically, then, this one is just for you 🙂

To relate better, let me first express what we all feel when we are in those difficult phases of our life. We somehow feel a lot of negativity and most of the times we also entertain and welcome self-pity with a red carpet….. We feel that we are the only one’s suffering the most. Moreover, everyone including the Almighty has been very harsh and unkind on us and there is nothing you can see ahead! Can you visualize yourself in these shoes in some phase lately?

If not, then Congratulations my friend, you are a “Happy Struggler“, a great positive soul and I request you to spread your learnings that have helped you reach this far 🙂

Now for the “Depressed Kings”, which I presume most of us are, please read on!

Always remember: “Your life is someone’s dream

I had read this quote somewhere and it always gets me thinking!

Please keep reminding yourself about this one fact that someone somewhere is praying and struggling to reach where you are right now! Just believing this should be enough to remain positive, happy and grateful to Almighty for the rest of our lives.

I have tried to follow a few ground rules to enhance positivity and trust me I have felt better. Thus, sharing these with all of you with a hope that someone somewhere will get benefit from this. If you do, would love to hear from you in the comments section below.

Reiterating, “To each his own” (of course her own as well ;)), but this could be a good start point if you wish to bring in some positive changes. Here you go….

  • Remember, our feelings and emotions are nothing but a frame of our mind and it is 100% under our control to think what we think. So, right from this moment, stop doing self-pity. You are not alone! No one is 😉
  • If you think you are suffering more than anyone else, please walk up to the nearest hospital emergency, I promise, you will have numerous reasons to be grateful to the Almighty. (Spending 5 minutes or less may be enough).
  • Especially during these phases, try to write in a notebook about all the things that you are grateful for and start with the basics – I mean a Thank you for each eye separately, a hand, a finger, a nail…… trust me, your Thank you list will be never-ending and my friend, every Thank you that you will write is worth a mention. Please recall the last episode of your nail that got cut wrongly, how much trouble and pain it had caused you before it finally healed?
  • There is always someone around you, who is suffering more than you. If you want to feel better, try and help them and while helping, forget about your own problems. Trust me, your problem will be taken care…….don’t know how but this happens. Atleast you will get your mind off your own issues and may be doing that helps you think better and in the bargain, someone is getting help in solving their problem. Imagine, if everyone starts doing this, there will always be help for everyone around… what a splendid life it will be, isn’t it 🙂
  • Very importantly, please remember that you have had good times way beyond the bad times in your life and it is just a phase that has come. Also, this phase is a part of God’s Masterplan, so have faith, it will turn out to be for your own good 🙂 You may not realize it now but soon, you will!

We have so many things in our life that millions are dreaming of but what do we do? We only try to keep our life’s focus on our problems and sulk and do self pity. Do you agree?

You need to decide what you wish to be – a “Happy Struggler” or a “Depressed King

Come on, cheer up my friend and don’t let little issues bog you down. Think positive, spread happiness by doing small gestures to help others. It will help you and will help everyone around you to create something which is contagious……yeah, SMILES 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 Capture those smiles in your heart and This too shall pass soon! Very soon!

To conclude: Nothing is forever and thus, learn to focus on the good, the blessings that you have, to keep your mindframe positive. Always remember that you are not the only one suffering as everyone gets their share of ups and downs and you will always have enough reasons to be grateful! So, please don’t sulk and be sad as that will only increase your agony but being happy and helpful, may get you your answers quicker than you expected. Believe me, best bargain deal for lifetime 🙂

They say “Don’t laugh too much or you will cry!”

Last week I visited my friend, Annie for a cup of coffee at her house. Her 6 year old daughter Tina was giggling away to glory sitting next to Annie on the kitchen table who was busy preparing coffee for me. I heard Annie saying the same thing to Tina a few times that caught my curiosity. Not sure, if you have heard this before too…….

Stop laughing too much Tina or else you will have to cry soon!

Soon coffee was ready and Tina pushed off to her room and I sat with Annie for a chit chat in the living room. During the conversation, I eagerly asked Annie why was she telling Tina not to laugh too much and she said:

“I don’t know, actually, my Mom always used to tell me the same! But, thinking through don’t they say that too much of everything is bad, so one should abstain from going over board on anything! And from experience, I have observed this happening with Tina every time she laughs too much!”

We moved to other discussions and during my train ride back home, I thought through about this and hope the findings are worth a thought by each one of you, my reader friends….. 🙂 okay, coming to the learning that I got:

Addressing the first part, Why should you not laugh too much?

Firstly, let me capture this thought – Too much of everything is bad, as rightly pointed out by my friend, Annie! The first learning to remember from this experience….. now, getting to some deeper insights 😉

When we are too happy in a situation, what we call the happy phases of our life, we tend to take these phases of our life for granted, isn’t it!

We start believing that we are made to live this life of luxuries and blessings and want to remain high on life. We assume that “NOTHING WILL CHANGE”! But we all know, that is not to be!

To remain in a constant state of well being, we need to learn the art of balancing, the art of being unaffected by circumstances.

I bet we all have seen a “Happy Beggar” and/or a “Worried Millionaire”!

Try to be normal and calm in all kind of situations! Please remember that your happiness as well as sorrow is a state of mind and does not and should not depend on the money, luxuries or gifts….. irrespective of with or without! Learn to get high on life, on positivity, my friend.

Coming to the second part, else you will cry……You may not believe, but this is so true…

Life is a mixed bag…. full of ups and downs and it is a known fact that most highs are followed by a few episodes of low, isn’t it?

We are very quick in raising our expectations and even quicker in cribbing when our expectations are not met!

So, the only way out for us is to be aware of ourselves with regular introspection. This will help in keeping our emotions and our mental state in control.

Don’t let happy moments take you over the top and never allow the sad one’s to push you under the ground.

Try to remain grounded and maintain your calm and peace of mind in all kinds of situations; remain unaffected. (Read my earlier blog, Stay grounded!)

If you like reading my blogs, request you to leave a little comment in the section below. Its your words that motivate me to write more…. thank you for bringing me this far!

Sharing another relevant blog on this topic: Gym with guaranteed results! Its a promise!

To conclude: The key to happiness is in the art of balancing; in being alert of what we think and feel and regularly introspect to keep a constant check on our emotions. The moment you reach this stage of your journey called life, you will be able to see every problems in your life as an opportunity, a challenge that you have to cross to move ahead and not as a sad moment or a problem.

How about allocating some “We time”!

“Me Time” yeah, we all need it to recharge our batteries but in this age of smart technology, it’s time we schedule in some “We Time” too! Do you agree?

As a characteristic, humans are kind of selfish and we are every now and then taught and told to think of ourselves first and then others!

Did you also remember the airline announcement, “Wear your mask first before you help accompanying children and co-passengers”! Well, only if you are breathing can you assist others, right? So, this is not being selfish but intelligent, isn’t it!

Two points that I would like to bring out:

  • For all the introspection and insights, we must have some “Me Time”. It helps to think, plan and execute effectively. This way we respond and don’t react.
  • Simultaneously, “We Time” i.e. the time we are required to spend with our loved ones is equally important. The choices and preferences may vary as in sometimes a joint meal once or twice a week is good enough and other times, a one to one session with parents, children or spouse helps you bring our solution to your most complicated professional issues too.

You know a lot about yourself, don’t you? But believe you me, your immediate family sometimes knows some aspects of your nature and behavior that even you yourself are ignorant of!

Irrespective of the benefits that I already mentioned above, isn’t it anyways a good idea to have some time intentionally and willingly allocated for the family who remains with us through the thick and thin unconditionally.

Sometimes they will help you and sometimes you will help them! And the best part is that it is all unconditional and without any expectations 🙂 They love you and you do too, right!

When they see you all worked up and clogged, they worry for you my friend, so why not have an inclusive approach and open up to give them a chance to inspire and help you😊 The solution may be already available with them through their prior experience or their knowledge of you! Am I right?

Where things are discussed and shared, there will exist a sense of belonging, an aura of positivity, I promise. Lead by example my friend and learn to share before you teach and preach about goodness of sharing with your children 👍🏻

To conclude: Happiness lies in the act of balancing between “Me” and “We”! Please remember, though we like independence but our happiness depends and is directly impacted by our loved ones! So share your feelings and your love while you have your loved ones around!

When you don’t tell me, “I assume”!

I was on my evening walk along with my husband, when we saw a small balloon on the passage. We looked around and saw a little child being carried away in arms by her nanny accompanied by another lady that looked like her grandmom. We both assumed that the balloon belonged to that child and started following them, so we could handover the balloon and bring a smile on the child’s face.

Guess what happened when we handed the balloon to him:

“ Looking at the balloon the child started howling and crying”!

We were confused! Did we do anything wrong?

Well, we assumed that the child wanted the balloon and the balloon will give happiness to the child. But actually that child had thrown the balloon himself as he was scared. Few moments prior, one balloon had blasted unexpectedly making the child scared. So when he looked at the balloon again, he started crying.

The point I pondered on….with such a positive intent, we ended up creating unwanted agony and pain for the child.

Broadly looking at life, most of the times we assume things that result in confusion, anger, hard feelings, differences and what not….and to top it all of it is unintentional. When things are not communicated clearly, we tend to assume things and react and respond accordingly. Most of the times these assumptions are incorrect and cause more agony than pleasure to the receiver.

Before closing let me share a few common assumptions we make quite often:

  • He does not respond to my calls, he’s avoiding me! (The actual scenario is that he is waiting for something good to happen, to revert with a positive result)
  • She looks angry, must have fought with her hubby! (She is actually angry with the person who is assuming these thoughts and is unaware 😉 )
  • Give him feed, he must be hungry! (This is what a feeding mother of an infant listens to every time the baby cries 😄 100% guarantee…)

Especially when you are at the receiving end of these uncalled for assumptions, please be sure that you are clear in the signals that you are sending alongwith the words that you communicate because, assumptions are mostly based on non-verbal means. Watch out for your mannerisms and body language too.

And if you are at the giving end, can I request you my friend, to be more sensitive towards your receivers going forward and be more alert and vigilant about their requirements and needs, as much as possible. This will help you create more happiness and positivity around you!

You may also like to read my earlier blog Perceptions are seldom right!

To conclude: It’s not possible that we can know the facts in every situation but whenever we can, let us try to open the channels of communication, so it is more about understanding and responding rather than assuming and reacting, what say?

Gym with guaranteed results! Its a promise!

A fitness freak or otherwise, we all know what a “Gym” is, right!

Everyone who joins a Gym, goes there to workout with the idea of gaining body strength, increasing their metabolism, immunity and not to mention a good looking body. The reasons for joining a gym may differ but basically there is awareness that vigorous exercising will result in pain & sweat and the degree of pain increases with the intensity you do it.

But it is a health choice that one makes and then enjoys the pain that comes with it!

Like the old saying goes, No Pain, No Gain! Holds 100% true here!

You look out for strict instructors who will push you to try new exercise regimes that will help you to build more strength! Recall the smile that you have in that pain once you are done with your full set of a difficult regime! Priceless, isn’t it? You have a sense of achievement and that feel good feeling is awesome 🙂

Okay, don’t be impatient, I am coming to the point I am trying to make!

What “Exercise” is to the body, “Problem” is to the mind!

Difficult situations that we simply call “Problems” bring in a lot of mental pain and agony in our life, don’t they?

Believe me, it is all in the mind and indeed a little change in your approach will make overcoming situations easier and happier and you will tend to benefit more from each such situation. I guarantee there is no loss, though, the benefits you reap from each situation may vary. Its a lifetime free gym with a very strict instructor indeed. The only option is to embrace this instructor and get ready to be trained well because like it or not this instructor is here to stay!

Can we bring in a little change in our outlook towards things to make it more positive? Let us stop considering difficult situations in our life as “Problems” and replace this with a more positive approach and start calling it an “Opportunity”.

Just when we do that, things will change and I promise they will change for good 🙂

Because, when we think we are in a “Problem”, our mind gets into a defensive mode and only thinks about solving the issue at hand and not the bigger picture. Whereas, when the mind tries to cease an “Opportunity”, the mental approach is more creative and holistic! Do you agree?

Recall few of your difficult phases in your life for a moment! You will realize the benefits that you have received from most of those phases will outnumber the agony it gave you. But, there may be regrets too! If you had used that phase as an opportunity and not a problem, you would have done things differently and would have benefited much more from each situation!

Its never late, my friend! Start from now! Stop sulking for your situations that you call “Problems”, because these are indeed not problems, these are “Opportunities” sent to you by God, to make you Stronger, Tougher and Brighter, so can shine like the Sun! So give me a sunshine Smile of yours and get going! The world waits to see what you can do 🙂 Don’t hold yourself back, show them and show yourself too how you seize each “Opportunity” of life going forward……

For more thoughts, you may also like to read my earlier blog, “Thank God life is not a “bed of roses”!

To conclude: Stop sulking, you are not the only one in a situation, which you call “Problem” and I propose that going forward you start considering it as an “Opportunity”. To each his own, believe me, everyone has their bucket full! You are in this situation, so that you can become stronger and shine brighter. Have a positive approach towards life and soon you will discover the purpose God has or had in putting you in any situation. Remember, it is all a part of God’s Masterplan and He is always right!

Unaccompanied travel!

Solo traveling is becoming quite a trend these days, isn’t it?

Well, would you be surprised if I said that God has set this trend from the time life existed on earth. Each one of us has come alone on Mother Earth, empty handed, no bag and baggage! We are all alone in this journey of life and all decisions good as well as bad are totally ours! Do you agree?

During our stay here, our relations, emotions, feelings, our sense of security and comfort tie us down and influence our decisions, one layer over the other!

Ideally, when you travel alone, you prepare yourself a bit in advance! Won’t you?

You may pre-read about the place you are visiting to get a better understanding and this will also help you set right expectations for your travel.

Similarly, now that we are conscious about this solo journey called life, how about creating our list of things that we would like to include to enhance positivity in our life, irrespective of our circumstances and then stick to those!

Believe you me, this little step will help you in every other step you will take in every direction of life. If your mind has a positive vibration and aura, that will reflect on all your actions and decisions that you will take, not only for your selves but also for your loved ones! Be an influencer, an example for others to ease their journey of life!

Try it, it costs nothing and it may change the course of your life for good! What say?

To conclude: Be alert in your actions, be cautious of your deeds and acts. Spread happiness and take every event as just a halt on your ongoing journey called life! Smile, clicking a selfie …. remember it’s a solo trip 😉

Pondering on a solo train journey!

Imagine yourself on a long solo train journey on a luxury train. Let’s say that you will take around 3 days to reach your destination.

Note: Phones and wi-fi does not work on this train, so social media interaction is ruled out 😉

How many movies can you watch and how much music you can listen to?

As humans, we have this need to interact and connect with other fellow humans! Do you agree?

Now, to satisfy this need, we look around for other passengers on this train and build a conversation. Sometimes, we try to initiate a conversation with the ticket checker too, just for the sake of speaking!! Isn’t it?

All those who have done these long journeys will recall the heart to heart talks they have done with these strangers! One thing leads to the other and you end up telling them so many stories from your life journey and they would have done the same. You may still be in touch with a few even now but most are gone with that journey but they stay in your memory forever. Am I right?

Just one more question before I move ahead….

You may have hugged them before getting down at your station or may have got teary eyed too but…….

Did you hold them from taking their own journey?

Wondering, where am I leading with this!

Our life is like this solo train journey, wherein we meet different people who are co-passengers on this train including our parents, our relatives, friends, spouse and even our enemies…….. we have common experiences with them, many good and few bad and then……

Its either our time to leave them or theirs to leave us!

This happens when the purpose of our meeting gets over! We part ways for this birth and may be its time for truce or we may meet again for balancing the carry forward in our next life journey!

The point I wish to make is that:

We don’t hold our co-passengers on the train from getting down at their intended destination, do we? So should we not let our loved ones go when its time to part ways!!

Please try to remember and cherish the happy times and moments spent together and wish them good and wish them well!

Especially for the ones who had to let go of their love interests or best friends (Yeah, I mean, boyfriends or girlfriends too ;), this justification may help to pacify their state of mind and help to motivate them to move on looking out for better pastures & not get disheartened!

For those losing their loved one’s to death, the feeling of agony and pain is very strong and no logic or reasoning can calm one down. I totally understand and respect that! But, my friend, this may help when you are ready to embrace the nuances of life …..

The choice is totally ours!

We can keep crying for the loss and dig the hole deeper with every tear or cherish each moment spent together and fill the hole with our smile and move ahead 🙂 Please remember it is all a part of God’s Masterplan and what He has thought for us is way beyond and way better than our prayers and expectations! And this one I am sure about :). You may like to read my earlier blog Why did you meet them?

Only when few passengers leave your train of life, will there be place on the train to accommodate more passengers! Do you agree?

To conclude: It is our thoughts that make us weak or strong, so, to let anyone physically enter or exit your life, you have to be mentally ready and the more gracefully you let them go the more you will cherish your relationship with them. Letting go of the old will make some place for welcoming the new in your life!

Never say Never!

When we say “Never”, we kind of restrict ourselves from trying.

Till a year back, I was so sure that I would never do something, but then circumstances took over! Not only am I doing it, but unbelievably, I am enjoying it too! Has this happened to you as well?

Believe me, we form our emotions and our reactions in a situation based on our experience from the past and the background that we are aware of, right? So to simply put it in words…..

Our opinions are based on what we already know! But…what about what is yet to come?

Our decisions that we take for the future are based on these opinions and perceptions…….but, life is very unpredictable, my friend. Please be aware and always remind yourself that actually:

We have no control on the changes that will happen in the very next moment!

Let me try and explain with a few common examples:

Mom saying: “I will never allow my son to marry a girl from a specific community!”

This Mom has restricted her options of getting a good daughter-in-law just based on a bias….. humans should be judged as humans and not based on their community and culture….. what say?

Dad saying: “I will never allow my son to make stand-up comedy as a career!”

Well, we all enjoy going to the stand up comedy shows, right! Imagine if these comedians had listened to their Dads and never ventured in this field, what a loss it would have been for us as a society! Convinced, are you?

Girl saying: ”No way, never, will I sit at home and take care of those crying babies!”

All the caring mothers out there, each one of us, would have said this while we were girls but right now, we are all out to give out every wink of our sleep and every waking minute caring about our loved ones, don’t we?

Boy saying: “Why did she leave me? I will never let her go!”

Ha! This one is the most common one for boys! They say it after every break up and the moment they meet the next one….. the never goes in vain and actually it should! For those psychos who stick around and trouble their ex’s, please move on, have faith, life have other choices planned for you!

The point I am trying to make here is that it is a good idea to have an open mind! Think, introspect, consider your choices and make informed decisions and even opinions!

Please refrain from making statements and deciding for the future, when you don’t know what the circumstances will be like then!

Play it by the ear, my friend! Why restrict your choices?

To conclude: The past and the present, atleast till the moment we are in, we are aware of our circumstances, our situations, our emotions, the background, so yes, we can be sure of what and how only till the current moment, but, what happens the next moment, we don’t know! So, trying is better option than closing your choices! Let the moment come and then, you take a call and never before! Coz, you never know, what’s coming your way! Why settle for less when we deserve much more happiness and love and opportunities 🙂

Struggles of a perfect host!

Have you ever come across a perfectionist host, who keeps snapping, cribbing and sulking during the party he or she so painstakingly organized at home for his or her close friends! The reason could be as bizarre as that the serving plate just got chipped while laying the table or one of the snack items arrived late 😦 What’s the end result, the host did not enjoy the party!! What’s the point in hosting a party that you yourself can’t enjoy? Did your friends come to meet you or to see your serving capabilities! 😦

Do you know who decides how your day will be like? It is you…..yes, just you!

Think about this! You have a list of to-do things ready for each day; the items on the list may vary depending on what you do professionally and personally but even if it is finishing the last 3 episodes of the series you are about to complete on Netflix :)… you have a to-do list that you wish to complete before you hit the bed every night, right! So, ideally, the ”What” part is taken care by this to-do list!

But….“How” you will execute these things, i.e. if you will do everything with a smile or snapping at the servants or cribbing along…… will decide how your day & your life will be!

Please understand that life is nothing but the sum total of all the days that we have spent so far and the ones that are yet to come! So, my friend, be watchful of how you have let the days go by and be alert to make the required changes now, if any!

The time gone will never come back!

Smile, express your love for the ones you care about, try to be happy, share gratitude and appreciation at every possible opportunity, learn to create positivity and please remember to stay away from cribbing, snapping and all kinds of negative emotions.

Changing the “How” part of your life will help in deciding “What” you make of your life! Are you convinced?

Let us promise ourselves to introspect and make a conscious effort to ensure that going forward we will look at life as a gift and cherish and enjoy every moment like there is no tomorrow!

To conclude: Next time you host or attend a party, ensure that you carry your smile along! That is all what matters, really! Be alert of your emotions, as your life is sum total of how you spend each day!

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