Be selfish in forgiving!

Letting go, moving on, forgiving….. what’s the big deal!

Do you have emotional wounds from the past that feel as fresh as it happened right now? Trust me, you are not alone, my friend!

Most of us are living with grudges, scars, wounds of emotional trauma, an old tiff or argument….We are suffering within but unable to forgive! Do you also wonder why?

Sometimes, no actually most of the times, we feel bad or take avenge against acts of others which knowingly or unknowingly we may have also done to others…. Confused!

Well, to simply put it, as humans we need a closure to the things we do and this art of forgiving, helps us to create that balance in our doings, i.e. for the acts which we seek forgiveness vis a vis those, where others are seeking forgiveness from us!

So, for a happy and positive life, a great mantra to follow is :

Forgive to be forgiven!

Why care about it?

Giving forgiveness makes one feel lighter in the heart as well as mind and so is the benefit in seeking forgiveness! Believe me, it eases our thought process and creates abundance of positivity in our life!

When we forgive or seek forgiveness, the art is in the clear understanding and realization of the mistake (ours or theirs) and then promising our soul to never repeat and finally a closure, a mark for us to move on….

Till we learn to do this, all of this is very momentary, you may feel that you have forgiven or have genuinely asked for forgiveness but the wound/grudge is not healed completely and it keeps coming back! Relatable…

Like you are holding on someone’s grudge in your heart, someone may be holding a grudge against you! Life is all about balancing and here again we need to learn to balance between the give and take of forgiveness 🙂

To conclude: Let go of the wounds that you hold so dear to your heart, forgive them, don’t wait for their “Sorry”, as you are forgiving them, my friend, not to do them a favour but to benefit your own soul and to create positivity in your own life and every forgiveness you will bestow, will bring you abundance of peace and calm, I promise. Try it, it just looks difficult but once you are in the flow, you will enjoy the fruits of this powerful gift!

Should do! Could do!

The other day, I noticed in my son’s maths task sheet, there was a section titled, “Should Do” and then there was another section called “Could Do”! Wondering, what it meant, I checked with my son and he explained to me that “Should Do” section covers the basics and its compulsory for everyone to attempt that section and then the “Could Do” section includes challenge questions and they are given for the one’s who would like to check their knowledge of the concept further. If you attempt “Could Do” section, then, you get extra credits. Interesting, isn’t it!

This got me thinking about the real life scenario…..we offer help when we are asked to, i.e. the “Should Do”, we have been taught to do, but what about the opportunities wherein we are in a position to help, i.e. we “Could do”, but do we explore those opportunities well in our life??

That’s one question, I urge each one of us to ask ourselves everyday, morning and night!

More than 90% of the times, we are in a situation to help someone but we choose to look away thinking that they haven’t asked for it then, why should I get into this? Do you agree?

But my friend, your little offer of help may change a life, may bring smiles, cheer, happiness and hope to someone’s day! Every effort done in this direction is worth it, believe me!

Sometimes, the person seeking help just keeps waiting for you to offer that help and do you know why? Because they are scared of Denial….. so, they don’t ask directly. We on the other hand, expect people to ask for help if they need it, else, we don’t want to poke unnecessarily. In the bargain, a “Could Do” opportunity is lost!

I wish we all thought of changing our mindset a bit towards being more empathetic and offering our help wherever we have any capability to help!

Not with any expectations in return, just help to help and trust me, the ultimate satisfaction that you will get out of this act is priceless!

Be it helping someone find a job, a reference for a course, some guidance in exam, connecting someone to the right doctor or as simple as spending some time with an elderly couple in your neighborhood… anything, just anything that can help someone smile, feel motivated… this unconditional help that you give is your “Could Do” and remember the bonus points mentioned in the task sheet, my friend, believe you me, these acts will come handy when you would need any help!

I am not saying that we should help, as we need help in return but mind you, every drop counts and what we start today, may become a revolution and lets be optimistic enough to think that one day Helping out others will become a reflex action for all of us! Then, you and me, will also get help when we need it! What say? Isn’t it worth a try?

To conclude: If you are in a position to help someone, consider yourself blessed! I am not saying to give favours but genuinely if someone deserves a helping hand and you can offer yours, please never leave that opportunity of “Could Do”! The bonus marks that you get for attempting that “Could Do” will bring in a lot of motivation and happiness and satisfaction in your own life. Try it and share your experiences in the comment section, whenever you do! We are always looking out for inspiration!

2019 to 2020, What’s the big deal?

2019 will soon be ending and we all are in that winding up phase to close all the loose ends, so we can start afresh in 2020…. with full energy and zeal!

Those year end appraisal discussions, that car servicing, house renovation, Christmas shopping,,,,,oh, there is so much on the to-do-list!

But, I urge you my friend to take a moment of PAUSE and THINK!

What is it that’s ending that we are celebrating & what’s that we are gearing up for?

Its just a change in the way we will write the date and nothing else! Am I right?

Hmm! Am I demotivating you from partying and getting high on life? Of course not!

What I am trying to do is to imbibe a thought to be in the happy mood each and every day of your life!

Out of curiosity, I looked up for the dictionary meaning of ”CELEBRATE” and as per Cambridge dictionary it is: ” to recognize an important occasion by taking part in an activity that makes it special“……

So literally, we need an occasion, a reason or an accomplishment to “CELEBRATE”!

But, do we really need to wait for these accomplishments, achievements and only then do we allow ourselves to be happy, to party, to let loose?

I then, looked up for another word “ENJOY”, which as per Cambridge dictionary means: “to get pleasure from something”

Hmm.. this one looks more manageable in our day to day lives, isn’t it…..

Thinking a little deeper, I am now wondering that isn’t waking up each day and having something to do should be a reason enough to “CELEBRATE” life in each passing moment!

Don’t wait for milestones to celebrate, my friend, the happiness is in the journey! Enjoy till it lasts!

What’s the point of achieving a milestone when you don’t have good memories to cherish from that journey? Think about it!

What also comes with year end is the parties, celebrations and family get-togethers! So much of energy goes in winning that tag of a perfect host, isn’t it? Please read my earlier blog Struggles of a perfect host!

To conclude: Moments to “CELEBRATE” may be few but do not wait to “ENJOY” your life, my friend. Trust me, once you start doing it, you will feel that life is worth living and enjoying and it will indeed give you enough reasons to “CELEBRATE” each and every day! Start Enjoying life and Celebrations will soon follow!

Hey Mom – Do I eat this?

Tina, my friend’s 6-year old daughter went for a birthday party at her friends house. Just when the food got served, she got something in her tray that she liked from the look of it but she didn’t eat it right away! You will laugh what she did 😊 She ran with her tray to her mom and very innocently asked her:

“Hey Mom! Do I eat this?” 😊😊

Suzie, Tina’s Mom held her tightly in her arms, kissed her and with a smile replied, “Yes sweetheart! you definitely eat this and indeed you will love this dish! Help yourself with a bigger serving my love!”

Cute, isn’t it!! Wondering the connect?

Like Mom has most of the answers for their children, especially till they are actually children….. it’s kind of same with God, Almighty or with whatever name you call that Power! We are His children and the beauty of this fact is that we remain His children for our entire life; age does not matter here!

God like a loving mother, not only takes care of us and loves us unconditionally but also like a strict mother, disciplines us, pushes us to take that step that we are hesitant to take sometimes. Do you agree?

Have you ever heard a Mom over feeding her child?

Probably not…. as mothers seem to have this sixth sense that makes them fully aware of their children’s limits both inner as well as their outer limit!

Similarly, God knows our appetite for taking hardships and trust me, what we get in our bucket of troubles and hardships, we are worthy of pulling it off! We sometimes underestimate our capability but God knows our purpose & our strengths much more than we ourselves realize!

So, don’t hesitate, don’t be scared, don’t feel weak my friend, when you are put in situations you don’t feel comfortable in! You are indeed capable of handling any situation, if you have been put in it! Truly believe in the fact that God as your kind mother is testing you to make you stronger, sharper and brighter with each passing moment! Believe me, the journey will only become easier with this little change in your thought process….

To put it simply, like little Tina, if something has been served in your plate by God……. you surely have the ability to eat it! Bitter or sweet, chew it slowly my friend and trust me you will realize the benefits of everything that you go through in due course 🙂

To conclude: Keep faith in whatever you believe in, surround yourself with lots of positivity that whatever has come your way, both good as well as bad has come for a purpose and have faith that you are capable of handling it! Believe me, with faith and a positive frame of mind, nothing can stop you from achieving a happy, fulfilling life 😊 Smile and march ahead my friend👍🏻 Each step accompanied with bundle of positivity!

Phew!! Stains on white shirt – Can you help?

What will you do if you get a stain on your shirt? And especially if it’s a crisp white shirt!! You will do anything and everything to get rid of that stain, right?

You may rub it rigorously or you may give the shirt for dry cleaning or some other home remedy but you will try hard to get the stain off the shirt right!

You must be wondering what’s up with me that I am discussing shirt stains out of all the things! Well, when I will relate you will also be astonished!

Will you believe if I tell you that in life, we are in the habit of retaining the stains on our heart ❤️ and keep poking them to make it worse and deep with each passing moment, hour, month, year and then years, decades and our entire life!……..😮

Surprised? Let me explain if you have not already guessed the point I wish to make!

Every time we have a bad experience with anyone, we keep a grudge against them, that is symbolic of the stains on the shirt that I used in the example. But, unlike the shirt stain that we are so curious to remove, we work over time to keep these grudges intact.

Haven’t you heard your loved ones saying:

“Though I have moved on, but, in my heart I will always remember what he/she did to me! The memory of that incident will remain with me forever!”

Mind you, in life we get a lot of experiences and we may not remember all the good ones but we ensure to always keep all the nasty ones pretty fresh and always intact in our memory….. isn’t it?

To lead a good life that is full of positivity and happiness, we need to become alert and conscious in the way we deal with our experiences and take the path of “Forgive and Forget” and learn to LET GO , especially the negative emotions!

If you wish to bring in a positive change in your life, try recalling all the nasty instances that prick you, one at a time! If needed, write them on a piece of paper, put the sheet on fire and see it burn…..That moment should be symbolic of your letting go of that episode from your life and all grudges, emotions and sentiments.

Sometimes, doing these things with a physical expression like writing and burning the sheets really helps in erasing those difficult episodes from your memory! Gradually, you will become stronger and you will not need this extra effort of writing and burning, just a calm moment of thinking and refreshing your thoughts will be enough! Won’t be easy but believe me, if you can do this, life will change for you for good and you will find so much peace and solace within:)

Forgive them for what they did, because forgiving will help you in moving on in your life and trust me you will feel much lighter and happier.

To conclude: To progress in life, we have to clean our slate of the past experiences, especially the negative ones as that’s the only way to make place for new experiences, emotions and feelings. Help yourself by truly believing in the mantra of “ Forgive and Forget” and “Let Go”. Try practicing this and I promise you will love yourself just like the crisp white shirt ….. stainless indeed!

Provided….. the if and but of life!

Do you believe that Life is a gift that we have got or do you have some riders attached to this statement like most other human beings!

Life is a gift provided I have plenty of money!

Life is a gift provided I have a beautiful wife and a happy family!

Life is a gift provided I have the most satisfying job!

Life is a gift provided I can beat my rebel and get to top my college!

Oh, I can go on and this list is endless…. very relatable, isn’t it!

To cherish a gift, we need to understand its value and worth, isn’t it!

Would you agree if I said that we can experience the gift of life is in every episode of inhale and exhale of oxygen, the process we call breathing! Unfortunately, for most of us, we take this simple act for granted and don’t understand & appreciate its importance enough.

We all need to learn to be thankful for every breath that we are blessed to take!

If you think a little deep, what is the difference between a living man and a dead one, it is his ability to breathe, right?

Yeah, scientifically, I know that there is a lot that goes at the backend but for basic understanding, if you are able to breathe, you have got the gift of life for another moment and it goes on till you have the ability to take your very last breath.

Isn’t that enough reason to celebrate that you can breathe?

To cherish this gift of life, we need to learn to celebrate every small instance, than to wait for achieving big milestones.

Very important fact to remember about life is that it’s a journey and what milestone we set today as our ambition will become history once achieved and then something else will come in our radar and so on…. so the riders that we keep putting to qualify our life as good also keep varying all the time!

Please remember, There is nothing called perfect life! For anyone….

What will happen if you are yet to achieve your milestones and you are still happy and celebrating, I bet, that positive attitude will only get you closer to getting a wholesome experience of life and there is nothing to lose in this deal! Try it!

Every morning, the ability to wake up is a reason enough to celebrate and actually, every opportunity that we get to inhale is another moment given to us to celebrate life……Think about it, its not too difficult to be happy and to smile 🙂 all it takes is just a little shift in our approach towards life.

Remember, Half glass full or half glass empty!

Keeping a positive and thankful approach towards life will surely reflect in your attitude and the way you will handle situations. Because what we may consider as a hurdle, could actually be a bridge to take us to a better pasture of life! So, rise and shine, my friend 🙂

Being ambitious is not bad but making your happiness and appreciation of life depend on the success and achievement of your goals is not a good idea! Do you agree?

To conclude: Be cheerful, thankful, feel happy and smile for what you have and learn to keep a positive frame of mind! If not all, 60-70% of your problems will go away with this little shift in attitude, because remember, most problems are not problems but opportunities, the difference is only in the way you deal with them! Don’t wait for achievements to celebrate life, create memories to cherish in every moment and that will be your biggest achievement, trust me!

You may like to read my earlier blog: Gym with guaranteed results! Its a promise!

Oops, it was right here!

Have you experienced looking out for something that was already with you!

Confused?

While talking on her phone, Tina got panicked that where is her phone 😀 Thank God she had a happy realization pretty quick. Relatable!! Another one, when she frantically started searching for her spectacles except for her own head!!

Am I trying to point on Tina for her “forgetfulness”, No! ofcourse not! I know when I point at someone, four fingers point back at me 👍🏻. Wondering what is it then……The thought that I wish to share is the human tendency to “React”.

Do you realize that most of the times, we tend to get in a state of panic much before the situation is actually critical! “Reaction” is an impulse that happens without any thoughts!

Think about this….,if we don’t react in a situation (recall Tina’s examples above), and remain calm and don’t panic, can the scenario be better?

Ofcourse yes, because we will be conscious of our surroundings, our options, our choices and every decision that we will make will be a “Response” and not a “Reaction”…. Does this make sense?

With respect to our acts, an important fact to remember is:

What’s done cannot be undone! So, we got to be cautious!

Believe me, most of the family and friendly quarrels are an instant result of this phenomenon of Reacting!

Post the reaction, once you realize what you have done….. you can keep giving as many justifications/apologies you may like for your behaviour but what do you think they will remember for the rest of their lives? Any guesses?

Yes, it is not your apologies but your harsh words/reactions!

And mind you, these will remain with them in their dark memories forever and ever till they die! Oh, this is getting intense, isn’t it! Can we do anything to avoid this scenario?

Just being aware and mindful in all our actions is the key! Panic arises when we lose control of our mind. Try to recall some decisions from your past that you repent today – I can bet, 70% of those were reactions and thus the repent! Am I right?

Response, on the other hand, is a well thought of, measured action taken after considering the pros and cons of a situation!

Only if we had learnt to take a moment to observe, to introspect and analyze situations, we will be able to prepare ourselves to respond correctly in any given situation, isn’t it!

So, my friend, it is very important for us to include that moment of PAUSE between the action and our counter action and in practical application, that is exactly what the difference is between “React” and “Respond”. If we can be conscious and alert and master this little learning, we can be sorted for life, I can guarantee!

I urge you to read my earlier blog on this topic.. Thank God life is not a “bed of roses”!.

To conclude: Let’s be aware and alert of what we do, say and even think and then promise ourselves to always be calm and Respond and never React! Whatever we need is around us, and we will find it sooner or later. All we need to do is to look for it with a calm mind minus the panic! Always remember to include a moment of PAUSE. Next time, before looking out for answers outside, how about doing some introspection both physically and mentally 🙂 Good luck my friend!

“Happy Struggler”/”Depressed King”- you choose!

Are you feeling that you are suffering….. more mentally than physically, then, this one is just for you 🙂

To relate better, let me first express what we all feel when we are in those difficult phases of our life. We somehow feel a lot of negativity and most of the times we also entertain and welcome self-pity with a red carpet….. We feel that we are the only one’s suffering the most. Moreover, everyone including the Almighty has been very harsh and unkind on us and there is nothing you can see ahead! Can you visualize yourself in these shoes in some phase lately?

If not, then Congratulations my friend, you are a “Happy Struggler“, a great positive soul and I request you to spread your learnings that have helped you reach this far 🙂

Now for the “Depressed Kings”, which I presume most of us are, please read on!

Always remember: “Your life is someone’s dream

I had read this quote somewhere and it always gets me thinking!

Please keep reminding yourself about this one fact that someone somewhere is praying and struggling to reach where you are right now! Just believing this should be enough to remain positive, happy and grateful to Almighty for the rest of our lives.

I have tried to follow a few ground rules to enhance positivity and trust me I have felt better. Thus, sharing these with all of you with a hope that someone somewhere will get benefit from this. If you do, would love to hear from you in the comments section below.

Reiterating, “To each his own” (of course her own as well ;)), but this could be a good start point if you wish to bring in some positive changes. Here you go….

  • Remember, our feelings and emotions are nothing but a frame of our mind and it is 100% under our control to think what we think. So, right from this moment, stop doing self-pity. You are not alone! No one is 😉
  • If you think you are suffering more than anyone else, please walk up to the nearest hospital emergency, I promise, you will have numerous reasons to be grateful to the Almighty. (Spending 5 minutes or less may be enough).
  • Especially during these phases, try to write in a notebook about all the things that you are grateful for and start with the basics – I mean a Thank you for each eye separately, a hand, a finger, a nail…… trust me, your Thank you list will be never-ending and my friend, every Thank you that you will write is worth a mention. Please recall the last episode of your nail that got cut wrongly, how much trouble and pain it had caused you before it finally healed?
  • There is always someone around you, who is suffering more than you. If you want to feel better, try and help them and while helping, forget about your own problems. Trust me, your problem will be taken care…….don’t know how but this happens. Atleast you will get your mind off your own issues and may be doing that helps you think better and in the bargain, someone is getting help in solving their problem. Imagine, if everyone starts doing this, there will always be help for everyone around… what a splendid life it will be, isn’t it 🙂
  • Very importantly, please remember that you have had good times way beyond the bad times in your life and it is just a phase that has come. Also, this phase is a part of God’s Masterplan, so have faith, it will turn out to be for your own good 🙂 You may not realize it now but soon, you will!

We have so many things in our life that millions are dreaming of but what do we do? We only try to keep our life’s focus on our problems and sulk and do self pity. Do you agree?

You need to decide what you wish to be – a “Happy Struggler” or a “Depressed King

Come on, cheer up my friend and don’t let little issues bog you down. Think positive, spread happiness by doing small gestures to help others. It will help you and will help everyone around you to create something which is contagious……yeah, SMILES 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 Capture those smiles in your heart and This too shall pass soon! Very soon!

To conclude: Nothing is forever and thus, learn to focus on the good, the blessings that you have, to keep your mindframe positive. Always remember that you are not the only one suffering as everyone gets their share of ups and downs and you will always have enough reasons to be grateful! So, please don’t sulk and be sad as that will only increase your agony but being happy and helpful, may get you your answers quicker than you expected. Believe me, best bargain deal for lifetime 🙂

They say “Don’t laugh too much or you will cry!”

Last week I visited my friend, Annie for a cup of coffee at her house. Her 6 year old daughter Tina was giggling away to glory sitting next to Annie on the kitchen table who was busy preparing coffee for me. I heard Annie saying the same thing to Tina a few times that caught my curiosity. Not sure, if you have heard this before too…….

Stop laughing too much Tina or else you will have to cry soon!

Soon coffee was ready and Tina pushed off to her room and I sat with Annie for a chit chat in the living room. During the conversation, I eagerly asked Annie why was she telling Tina not to laugh too much and she said:

“I don’t know, actually, my Mom always used to tell me the same! But, thinking through don’t they say that too much of everything is bad, so one should abstain from going over board on anything! And from experience, I have observed this happening with Tina every time she laughs too much!”

We moved to other discussions and during my train ride back home, I thought through about this and hope the findings are worth a thought by each one of you, my reader friends….. 🙂 okay, coming to the learning that I got:

Addressing the first part, Why should you not laugh too much?

Firstly, let me capture this thought – Too much of everything is bad, as rightly pointed out by my friend, Annie! The first learning to remember from this experience….. now, getting to some deeper insights 😉

When we are too happy in a situation, what we call the happy phases of our life, we tend to take these phases of our life for granted, isn’t it!

We start believing that we are made to live this life of luxuries and blessings and want to remain high on life. We assume that “NOTHING WILL CHANGE”! But we all know, that is not to be!

To remain in a constant state of well being, we need to learn the art of balancing, the art of being unaffected by circumstances.

I bet we all have seen a “Happy Beggar” and/or a “Worried Millionaire”!

Try to be normal and calm in all kind of situations! Please remember that your happiness as well as sorrow is a state of mind and does not and should not depend on the money, luxuries or gifts….. irrespective of with or without! Learn to get high on life, on positivity, my friend.

Coming to the second part, else you will cry……You may not believe, but this is so true…

Life is a mixed bag…. full of ups and downs and it is a known fact that most highs are followed by a few episodes of low, isn’t it?

We are very quick in raising our expectations and even quicker in cribbing when our expectations are not met!

So, the only way out for us is to be aware of ourselves with regular introspection. This will help in keeping our emotions and our mental state in control.

Don’t let happy moments take you over the top and never allow the sad one’s to push you under the ground.

Try to remain grounded and maintain your calm and peace of mind in all kinds of situations; remain unaffected. (Read my earlier blog, Stay grounded!)

If you like reading my blogs, request you to leave a little comment in the section below. Its your words that motivate me to write more…. thank you for bringing me this far!

Sharing another relevant blog on this topic: Gym with guaranteed results! Its a promise!

To conclude: The key to happiness is in the art of balancing; in being alert of what we think and feel and regularly introspect to keep a constant check on our emotions. The moment you reach this stage of your journey called life, you will be able to see every problems in your life as an opportunity, a challenge that you have to cross to move ahead and not as a sad moment or a problem.

How about allocating some “We time”!

“Me Time” yeah, we all need it to recharge our batteries but in this age of smart technology, it’s time we schedule in some “We Time” too! Do you agree?

As a characteristic, humans are kind of selfish and we are every now and then taught and told to think of ourselves first and then others!

Did you also remember the airline announcement, “Wear your mask first before you help accompanying children and co-passengers”! Well, only if you are breathing can you assist others, right? So, this is not being selfish but intelligent, isn’t it!

Two points that I would like to bring out:

  • For all the introspection and insights, we must have some “Me Time”. It helps to think, plan and execute effectively. This way we respond and don’t react.
  • Simultaneously, “We Time” i.e. the time we are required to spend with our loved ones is equally important. The choices and preferences may vary as in sometimes a joint meal once or twice a week is good enough and other times, a one to one session with parents, children or spouse helps you bring our solution to your most complicated professional issues too.

You know a lot about yourself, don’t you? But believe you me, your immediate family sometimes knows some aspects of your nature and behavior that even you yourself are ignorant of!

Irrespective of the benefits that I already mentioned above, isn’t it anyways a good idea to have some time intentionally and willingly allocated for the family who remains with us through the thick and thin unconditionally.

Sometimes they will help you and sometimes you will help them! And the best part is that it is all unconditional and without any expectations 🙂 They love you and you do too, right!

When they see you all worked up and clogged, they worry for you my friend, so why not have an inclusive approach and open up to give them a chance to inspire and help you😊 The solution may be already available with them through their prior experience or their knowledge of you! Am I right?

Where things are discussed and shared, there will exist a sense of belonging, an aura of positivity, I promise. Lead by example my friend and learn to share before you teach and preach about goodness of sharing with your children 👍🏻

To conclude: Happiness lies in the act of balancing between “Me” and “We”! Please remember, though we like independence but our happiness depends and is directly impacted by our loved ones! So share your feelings and your love while you have your loved ones around!

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