Susan, Alex and Tina have just returned from their summer vacation. I just got off the call with Tina; she was super excited and narrated to me all the fun things she did there. Actually, more than her holiday, Tina was excited about her flight….as this was her first international holiday 🙂 and she got to enjoy the plane ride for almost 8 hours each side.

While expressing her joy and delight, Tina asked me something that caught my attention; she said: “Aunty, I was listening to their safety instructions and the hostess announced that you should wear your Oxygen mask first before helping others” but Mumma always helps me first, why would she be mean?

Interesting thought, isn’t it?

I took it personally to explain this clearly to my dear Tina. I shared a few facts with her first: experts do not know exactly how long a person can live without eating, but there are records of people surviving without food or drink between 8 and 21 days. But a human can typically survive without oxygen for only 3 to 6 minutes before irreversible brain damage begins, with death likely occurring after 10 minutes.

Based on these facts, Tina was surprised to learn that a person can survive over a week without food, but only a few minutes without oxygen. So the air hostess isn’t being unkind — she’s being practical and so is the expectation from her Mom. Tina sighed “Oh Yeah” that’s so true Aunty! “What if Mumma didn’t put her mask on first and something happened to her, then how will she be able to help me?” She profusely thanked me for explaining and hung up.

If we reflect, especially all the women and mothers out there… we all have conditioned our minds to believe that it is mean to help ourselves first. Forget help – we think we are being mean/selfish, if we do anything for ourselves, irrespective of small or big. Isn’t it?

Also, women folk (especially mothers) have time for everything in the world except for themselves. They will always have a to-do-list with priorities mentioned but they themselves never exist in those lists. Do you agree?

Trust me, I have learnt it the hard way and I can vouch for the fact that it is important and totally necessary to realize that “I need to take care of myself first” as when you realize this and start putting yourself first in some situations, then, you begin to smile again and slowly you get that sense of contentment, that feeling of happiness. Believe me, those little things that you do for yourself are totally worth it as that stimulates you to do all your other duties in a much better way and you feel physically and emotionally charged.

Please remember that if you are burned out yourself (be it with your job, your chores, your routine, etc.), where will you get the energy and zeal to help your loved ones? Initially, when you start focusing on yourself, you may feel that you are being selfish; those 1-2 hours for yourself and the guilt starts to pull you down emotionally…. but trust me, don’t stop. Go for it full on. You are not being mean or selfish…. you are doing it not just for you but all the more for your loved ones, as they also want you to be healthy and happy – just like my little Tina. Sometimes, they take time to realize but the intent is mostly there 🙂

If you are struggling to explain this fact to your loved ones…. feel free to share this blog with them 🙂

So where do you start? Six small things, this week:

1. Block 30 minutes a day that belongs only to you. Put it on the calendar like any other meeting. Don’t apologise for it.
2. Add yourself to your own to-do list — by name. Not “groceries, school pickup, dentist” — actually write “YOUR NAME”: walk, read, rest.
3. Say no to one thing this week that you’d usually say yes to out of guilt. Notice the world doesn’t fall apart.
4. Move your body daily, even for 15 minutes. Walk, stretch, dance in the kitchen — whatever fits. Energy comes from movement, not rest alone.
5. Tell the people you love what you’re doing, and why. “I’m taking this hour for myself so I can show up better for you.” Most will surprise you with how much they support it.
6. Catch yourself when guilt creeps in. Name it, then carry on anyway 🙂

To conclude: when you are physically fit, emotionally happy and content, you become far more effective and productive. Try putting yourself on your priority list too — and you’ll notice you start solving problems for your loved ones better than ever. They’ll love you for it.

Tina got it in thirty seconds. The grown-ups in our lives may take a little longer — be patient with them, and with yourself.