Do you recall any incident in your past where someone hurt you emotionally but now you are eternally thankful to them?

It could be an episode with your mentor, your manager or a senior colleague, where they tried to pinpoint and highlight your faults or issues. When they were telling you all that, you felt hurt, neglected, let down, angry, annoyed…basically negativity reached its peak and you wanted to scream, shout and tell them to “SHUT UP” but instead you told yourself to “SHUT UP”, so as not to disrespect them in the moment. It could also be your school/college teacher, your sibling, any cousin/relative or even your own Mom or Dad. In that moment, you felt they were your biggest enemy, who was fully charged to put you down by all means.

First of all, kudos to you for keeping your act under control and managing not to react. Give yourself a pat on the back for that intelligent action of yours.

Ideally our first reaction is to push back all feedback from such people as we are so angry and hurt. Most of the time, we just keep inflicting pain on ourselves internally with whatever has hurt us the most from that conversation and react more and more with anger and frustration. The outcome is that we feel worse each day but we don’t take any productive action. Do you agree?

I am not saying the person on the other side (i.e. your mentor, manager, colleague, cousin, Mom, Dad, etc.) can’t be wrong. They can be. If that is the case, sit with them again and counter them with your points in a calm way. Explain your point of view to them, so they can understand. Be courageous to defend yourself if you are right, but with a calm mind and a brief list of examples to prove your point.

Will you agree if I said that, if not more, there is at least a 50% chance that your mentor, manager and/or senior in the above scenario is right.

Please remember, a mentor/teacher’s job is to make you learn — not just to be good and nice to you. Otherwise, you’d end up resenting them for that too.

Once you have quietly reflected on the scenario, you kind of internally agree that what they said was somewhat right, and their intention was to make you a better performer for your own growth. Just this little reflection will not only make you calmer, it will help you in finding various other pointers from that conversation that you could include as action points to improve your next presentation, your next role, your next job and your overall life.

While writing this, I too recall two of my own managers from my 2 decades of corporate experience – who nudged me to stand for myself, be a continuous learner, and become a better version of myself in everything I did. Indeed, I hated them initially, but now I am eternally grateful to them for their push.

It is very difficult to accept our own mistakes and all the more difficult when those are pointed out to us by someone else. However much we may love and respect others, taking criticism always comes with a pinch of salt…. it hurts, my friend and we all know it.

Trust me, sometimes a mother has to be strict and give you bitter medicine for your better health and wellness. Similarly, these criticisms have the potential to change the course of your life positively, if you give it the chance it deserves.

Please remember, everyone we meet in our life has some purpose to fulfil, to give us a learning to move to our next phase of growth. Some will shower love, some will show anger, some will provide us with abundant opportunities, and some may be totally mean to us. If we change our focus to understand what they are teaching us and learn from the interaction, we will quickly move to the next chapter. Otherwise, we will keep meeting similar people again and again, till we have learnt our lesson. So, be wise and vigilant and enter the next phase more energized and prepared, my friend. You’ll soon realize: not all mentors are angels — but the honest ones are worth their weight in gold.